Wisdom from Military Manuals
WISDOM FROM MILITARY MANUALS
‘If the enemy is in range, so are you.’
– Infantry Journal-
‘It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.’
– US.Air Force Manual –
‘Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.’
– General MacArthur –
‘You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.’
-Infantry Sgt.-
‘Tracers work both ways.’
– Army Ordnance Manual-
‘Five second fuses last about three seconds.’
-Infantry Journal –
The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser (mobile fuel tank on the runway); Runway behind you; and Air above you.
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
‘Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.’
– Naval Ops Manual –
‘Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.’
-Unknown Infantry Recruit-
‘If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.’
-Infantry Journal-
‘Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.’
– Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-
‘You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.’
-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-
‘The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.’
-Unknown Author-
‘If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.’
– Fixed Wing Pilot-
‘When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.’
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-
‘Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.’
-Unknown Author-
‘If you hear me yell; “Eject, Eject, Eject!”, the last two will be echos.’ If you stop to ask “Why?”, you’ll be talking to yourself, because by then you’ll be the pilot.’
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian CF104 Pilot-
‘What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, …. the pilot dies.’
-Sign over Control Tower Door-
‘Never trade luck for skill.’
-Author Unknown-
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are: ‘Did you feel that?’ ‘What’s that noise?’ and ‘Oh &%…!’
-Authors Unknown-
‘Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.’
-Basic Flight Training Manual-
‘Mankind has a perfect record in aviation – we have never left one up there!’
– Unknown Author –
‘Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.’
– Emergency Checklist-
‘The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.’
– Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) –
‘There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.’
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ-
‘If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.’
-Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk-
‘You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.’
– Lead-in Fighter Training Manual –
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, ‘What happened?’ The pilot’s reply: ‘I don’t know, I just got here myself!’
Patrick Henry Hughes – Inspirational Story
Politically In-Correct Christmas Party
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 12, 2009
RE: Gala Christmas Party
I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at Noon in the private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols. Feel free to sing along, and don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Patty
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Company Memo:
———————————————————-
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 13, 2009
RE: Gala Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. From now on we’re calling this our “Holiday Party.” The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Patty
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Company Memo:
———————————————————-
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 14, 2009
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only,” you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
And sorry, but —forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGES WILL BE ALLOWED.
=====================================================
Company Memo:
———————————————————-
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human
Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 15, 2009
RE: Generic Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in a little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men or vise-versa. Each group will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the gay men’s table.
To the person asking permission to cross-dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.
There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar”desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
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Company Memo:
——————————————————-
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All XXXXX Employees
DATE: December 16, 2009
RE: The xxxxx Holiday Party
I’ve had it with you vegetarian jerks!!! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your xxxxx salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
The rest of you xxxxx wierdos can kiss my xxxxx. I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive home drunk and die, The xxxxx from xxxx!!!
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Company Memo:
———————————————————
TO: All Employees
FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: December 17, 2009
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewisa speedy recovery from her nervous breakdown and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off —with full pay!
Happy Holidays!
Joan
Thanksgiving with Maxine
Who is paying taxes?
Did you know that only about 50% of the U.S. population will owe any taxes in 2009? Great chart looking at who is paying taxes in 2009. Link
He Said, She Said
Insurance makes healthcare far more expensive
Amazing story of 14-yr-old African boy who built windmill on his own
This is an incredible story of how a 14-year-old boy from Malawi who had to drop out of school was able to generate electricity and eventually change his whole family’s and villages situation by building a windmill on his own out of garbage and scrap: http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2009/10/kamwamba-windmill/.
His initial desire was to be able to have light for him to use at night after the sun has gone down. Now it has developed in to much more than that.
Zenoch's View 