1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’

13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

19. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

20. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

21. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

22. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

24. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

26. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Wisdom from Military Manuals


 ‘If the enemy is in range, so are you.’ 

– Infantry Journal-

 ‘It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.’ 

– US.Air Force Manual –

 ‘Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.’ 

– General MacArthur –

 ‘You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.’ 

-Infantry Sgt.-

 ‘Tracers work both ways.’ 

– Army Ordnance Manual-

 ‘Five second fuses last about three seconds.’

-Infantry Journal –

 The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser (mobile fuel tank on the runway); Runway behind you;  and Air above you. 

-Basic Flight Training Manual-

 ‘Any ship can be a minesweeper.     Once.’ 

– Naval Ops Manual –

 ‘Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.’ 

-Unknown Infantry Recruit-

 ‘If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.’ 

-Infantry Journal-

 ‘Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil.  For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.’ 

– Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-

 ‘You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.’ 

-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-

 ‘The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.’ 

-Unknown Author-

 ‘If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.’

– Fixed Wing Pilot-

 ‘When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.’ 

-Multi-Engine Training Manual-

 ‘Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.’ 

-Unknown Author-

 ‘If you hear me yell; “Eject, Eject, Eject!”, the last two will be echos.’  If you stop to ask “Why?”, you’ll be talking to yourself, because by then you’ll be the pilot.’ 

-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian CF104 Pilot-

 ‘What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, …. the pilot dies.’ 

-Sign over Control Tower Door-

 ‘Never trade luck for skill.’ 

-Author                Unknown-

 The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are: ‘Did you feel that?’  ‘What’s that noise?’  and ‘Oh &%…!’ 

-Authors Unknown-

 ‘Airspeed, altitude and brains.  Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.’ 

-Basic Flight Training Manual-

 ‘Mankind has a perfect record in aviation – we have never left one up there!’ 

– Unknown Author –

 ‘Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.’ 

– Emergency Checklist-

 ‘The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;  it can just barely kill you.’ 

– Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) –

 ‘There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.’ 

-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ-

 ‘If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.’ 

-Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk-

 ‘You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.’ 

– Lead-in Fighter Training Manual –

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having  torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.  The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, ‘What happened?’  The pilot’s reply: ‘I don’t know, I just got here myself!’

Wisdom from Military Experience

‘If the enemy is in range, so are you.’

– Infantry Journal


‘It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.’

– US. Air Force Manual


Continue reading “Wisdom from Military Experience”

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