Scientists Discover New Element

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet know to science. The new element, Governmentium ( symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentiums mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to be neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administration ( symbol= Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons!

10 Principles by which Government Should Govern

  1. You cannot bring prosperity by discouraging thrift.
  2. You cannot help small men by tearing down big men.
  3. You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
  4. You cannot lift the wage earner by pulling down the wage payer.
  5. You cannot help the poor man by destroying the rich.
  6. You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
  7. You cannot further brotherhood of men by inciting class hatred.
  8. You cannot establish security on borrowed money.
  9. You cannot build character and courage by taking away mans initiative and independence.
  10. You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.

By William J. H. Boetcker

Words of Wisdom regarding Government

1. After many years, I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two are a law firm, and three or more are a legislature. (John Adams)