A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.
When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: ‘I don’t believe that God exists.’
‘Why do you say that?’ asked the customer.
‘Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn’t exist.
Tell me, if God exists,would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can’t imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.’
The customer thought for a moment, but didn’t respond because he didn’t want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.
Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: ‘You know what? Barbers do not exist.’
‘How can you say that?’ asked the surprised barber. ‘I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!’
‘No!’ the customer exclaimed. ‘Barbers don’t exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.’
‘ Ah, but barbers DO exist! That’s what happens when people do not come to me.’
‘Exactly!’ affirmed the customer. ‘That’s the point! God, too, DOES exist! That’s what happens when people do not go to Him and don’t look to Him for help. That’s why there’s so much pain and suffering in the world.’
If Noah Built an Ark in 2009
And lo, in the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said: “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.”
“Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.”
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, “You have 6 months to build the ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but there was no ark.
“Noah! I’m about to start the rain! Where is the ark?”
“Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed.”
“I needed a building permit.”
“I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.”
“My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.”
“Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.”
“Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.”
“I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls, but no go!”
“When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.”
“Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.”
“I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.”
“Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work.”
“The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience.
“To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.”
“So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”
Suddenly, the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”
“No,” said the Lord. “The government beat me to it.”