Top Meeting Quotes 2001-2010

Top Meeting Quotes 2001-2010

  1.  No one is using it so there aren’t any complaints
  2. We will try anything easy that doesn’t work before we try anything hard that does work.
  3. We need two smart people working this… so far we have one
  4. In the worst case scenario, you end up in a Mad Max world where all you need is a pointy stick and a water filter.
  5. We’re paralyzed so the process is working.
  6. Risks have a tendency to get together and talk to each other.
  7. Directors are like icebergs, you know they’re moving you just can’t tell.
  8. When you look around the table and can’t find the sucker… the sucker is you.
  9. Dismay seemed optimistic.
  10. The numbers haven’t changed but everyone’s opinion of them has.
  11. We have to do what the boss says without negatively impacting the business.
  12. I don’t want to represent this alternate as particularly well thought out.
  13. Don’t do something stupid to meet the target, but not making the target would be stupid.
  14. How much time should we spend evaluating non-viable options?
  15. How could such a bad plan go so horribly wrong?
  16. Whenever the cowboy starts bucking before the horse, the outcome’s never good
  17. If work were fun we’d still be plowing fields with sticks
  18. OK, well I’m off to where the carpets are thick and the minds are thin.
  19. I may have inadvertently knocked the candle over but someone else spilled gasoline all over the floor
  20. He cannot come in here like a hippie on a bicycle and make up new requirements.
  21. Dave has his quirks – being impressed by upper management isn’t one of them
  22. When I say “we” I mean Kevin.
  23. We should rename this process “how to make a customer wait”.
  24. We follow the Serengeti principle- if it limps we kill it.
  25. The longer I’ve been away from that job the better I did at it.
  26. I heard some people not clapping.
  27. We are carrot people, not stick people
  28. Climb into the pinball machine with me
  29. Everyone else is bringing their finance director so you need to lawyer-up too.
  30. We are forecasting ahead of our intelligence.
  31. I invited you to this meeting for the same reason you take friends with you when you see a scary movie.
  32. I actually have less data than I showed you.
  33. Meddling with the accounting is not a mitigation plan.
  34. If you want to be positive, you could say “not all of our customers are being let down.”
  35. We call that work around a blatant violation of the process.
  36. Since I’m an old manufacturing guy, will you tell me when I’m supposed to be offended?
  37. Grass is always greener over the septic field.
  38. We want to find early adopters not early doubters.
  39. I didn’t think this imperative meant that we were actually going to do anything.”
  40. We are technically correct but we are going to have to have a very painful conversation with the boss for no apparent reason.
  41. We have skeletons in our closet but our closet is inside of a bigger closet.
  42. The more important the job is the more interruptions occur asking about the job.
  43. Let’s put on our pilot hats on and not worry about the details.
  44. You’re obviously attaching way too much importance to what I’m saying.
  45. We can use the time tested process of using 33 seconds to develop the data and 5 weeks to review and debate the numbers.
  46. I don’t have time to ignore that note from Q.  I’ll delegate it to you to ignore.
  47. Our risk is mitigated because he doesn’t have any people to produce the information that we don’t have any people to review.
  48. You have the wrong audience if you want to know what workers do.  We don’t do anything but sit in these meetings.
  49. The initial feedback is “everything’s crap”.
  50. We have people and engineers at our table.

Source: Peter Weertman, Boeing, Oct. 2011

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