I heard a talk by a young woman that I was so impressed with that I asked if I could post part of it on my blog. Here it is with her permission:
“…what young women do and don’t like and what we look for in a potential future husband. I will suggest a few general dating rules to follow and then I will go deeper into what young women like myself are looking for in a man.
Rule #1 – Do not start off the evening by asking the girl how many children she wants, IF she is willing to live in another country that you have already picked, OR IF she is willing to stay at home all day with the children and do house work. Trust me, it freaks the girl out and you will most likely never get another date with her…or her friends.
Rule #2 – Don’t blow your money. Most girls I know agree that when a guy plans and takes them on an expensive date, it is awkward and not as fun as cheaper dates. Expensive dates make young women feel guilty and pressured. We don’t want you to spend a lot of money, rather we LOVE to see your creative side and how good you are at coming up with cheap ways to have fun.
Rule #3 – Be genuinely interested in your date and participate in an intelligent conversation. Yes, for first dates “get to know you” questions are good, but eventually try to carry on a conversation that runs deeper than “if you were a crayon what color would you be” or “do you like football”. Most girls are feelers – they relate to other people through feeling. If you want the girl to like you, be a good conversationalist and actually LISTEN to them so when they answer your question, you can come up with a follow up question and avoid the awkward first date silence.
Those, I would say, are the best three dating guidelines I can offer from my recent experience. Now, on a more personal and deeper note, I want to share with all of you, especially the young men, what young women truly look for in a future or possible spouse.
Personally, I am impressed if a young man
Honors his priesthood. There is a stark difference in the countenance, spirit, and attraction between a young man who reveres his sacred gift of the priesthood and one who treats it lightly. It is not cool to joke about this sacred duty or to participate in behavior that dishonors or negatively represents the priesthood or the church. It is cool to see young men strive to live the gospel, worthily exercise the power of the priesthood, show gratitude for the opportunity to hold the priesthood, and look for opportunities to bless the lives of others through this power.
I am impressed if a young man truly lives the values listed in the Scout Law. I am not a girl who may like the guys who demean others for sport, blast degrading music, are too into themselves to notice the needs of others or other modern day trends. I like the “old fashion”, but definitely not outdated, values. It is very impressive to see young men look for opportunities to serve others, whether it’s taking time to talk to or read a book to a child or if it’s merely helping an elderly person cross the street or load their groceries into the car. The scout law states that a scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Whether a scout or not, this law is a great one to live by. While all the qualities listed in this law are important and amiable, two of them stick out the most to me, Bravery and Reverence.
To me, bravery is not just the courage to face dangerous situations head on, but it is the courage to stand up for what one knows is right EVEN if it is NOT the popular thing to do.
Too many times have I seen great guys falter and give way to peer pressure just to avoid being the sole witness for the truth. This brings me great sadness and disappointment. This world needs good boys and men who will stand steady and sure, be an example to those around them, and shine the light of Christ.
One of my best guy friends is an outstanding example of truly being brave. We attended a local community college together and during that time he demonstrated his bravery on numerous occasions. I saw him stand up and voice his opinion in classes when issues of sex and drugs were brought up, I saw him walk away from a “funny” youtube video that degraded and objectified women, and I never heard him utter a harsh or unkind word. He truly knew what he stood for, was always a witness for truth, joyfully and sincerely shared his testimony of the gospel with others, and represented his values without being judgmental or degrading. This type of bravery is cool, it will attract the kind of girl who will truly love you, and it will bring you great personal happiness.
The second value in the scout law that is particularly important to me in a man is Reverence.
By reverence, I am not referring to the ability to sit quietly through three hours of church, but to the ability to show and have deep respect and devotion to the people, sacrifices, and gifts in this life.
I want a man who respects the gift of the atonement and who strives to honor it through living a clean and righteous life. I want a man who is devoted to God and doing His work on this earth, who is devoted to his family and their happiness, who is devoted to his country and protecting the values it was founded upon, and who has a respect for himself and others.
It is very UNcool when guys do not show reverence or gratitude for the gospel, who disrespect teachers and leaders by being disruptive or rude, who disrespect parents or other leaders who sacrifice time, money, and so much more on their behalf. And it is also very uncool when guys make light and do not revere the sacrifices made by the founding fathers, our past and present military men and women, and all others who made grave sacrifices to allow us the privilege to enjoy the liberties and freedom we take for granted every day.
Because I am definitely far from perfect, I also look for a man who will push and inspire me to become a better person. It is refreshing when a guy encourages you to attend church meetings, work hard in school, supports my desire to learn or improve a skill or talent, to look for service opportunities, and to become better rounded overall. Because this life is full of challenges, we can all greatly benefit from having a faithful companion who is by our side to cheer us on and encourage us to do the right thing. Thankfully, I have had many great examples in my life of what type of companion I want in the future.”